January 2006
4 posts
2 tags
Fantasy League Speech
An Imagined Speech As Delivered to My Fantasy League Basketball Team in Our Fictional Locker Room After Realizing We’re in 10th Place out of 12 Teams
“This is it, fellas. This is the moment in the season when we’ve got to either get busy winning or start losing on purpose to get a better draft positition for next year, but not too obviously so all the other teams don’t get...
4 tags
Best Wing
TV changed politics forever. This sentence is usually followed by the example of JFK crushing Nixon in the 1960 televised debate, but losing the same exact debate on the radio broadcast. I think a much simpler example would be that a 400lb man named Howard Taft was once president, and this coincided with the era of American history when TV’s simply didn’t exist.
But this isn’t another essay about...
3 tags
Trains, Biothermal Energy, and Frozen Waffles
Nobody knows this, but I’ve got frozen waffles in my pocket right now.
Mornings are just too rushed nowadays. There’s no time for a balanced breakfast; no two pieces of toast, no sunnysides, no sizzling bacon (the meat that eats like a chip), no brand-name breakfast cereals with plastic prizes, no fruit, and definitely no New York Times. They call it breakfast, not breakslow for a...
3 tags
My Giant
We were enjoying my friend’s dad’s sky box tickets for the Wizards vs. Celtics game this weekend. Neither team seemed to want to win, and nobody in the stadium seemed to care much about the contest. Everybody was glued to the TV to see the result of the Redskins game.
And then, the door opened. Where there is usually a silhoutte and a backlight, there was total darkness. A shadow...